A further set of values is the “overcome” category. Here I will be discussing overcome aggression, overcome recklessness, and overcome attachments. That sounds like really simple tasks, right? Not by a long shot. Still worth it to work in that direction, though, to break through the surface and fully develop, like a dandelion in the sidewalk.
Overcome aggression is probably the simplest of the three, in my opinion. First off, this does not mean that one cannot be assertive. On the contrary. To me aggressive is the forceful assertion of one’s will, typically in a “power over” manner – the idea that a person would physically, mentally, or energetically do an action that is often “against” another person where their own will dominates. It is to be playing on the offensive. Aggression typically leaves no room for compromise, and is often fueled by strong emotions like anger. Assertion, on the other hand, is essentially a verbal, physical, or energetic declaration of one’s own position or rights. Often, but not always, assertion occurs in response to a challenge of a person’s rights. That claim could be anything from stating ownership of a particular object (“no, that’s mine”), or even to exist safely in a space (“Do not touch me”). It is the opposite of being a doormat. Assertion can also just be a declaration of one’s position or right without any outright opposition. Can an assertion also be aggressive? Sure. But it isn’t necessarily.
I am generally not an aggressive person, but the one area I do deal with my own aggression is in transportation. I take public transit in a busy city, and when I walk, I am a fast walker. I have half-jokingly thought of myself as an “aggressive pedestrian” (as compared to an aggressive driver), but it can be true. If I’m in a rush and especially if people aren’t following the “rules” of transit, I can be pushy. On example is at crowded stations where people are antsy to get on a train, they often don’t follow the directions of stepping aside to let people off, and instead try to push on the train. I have shouted over the crowd and pushed my way past in order to get off the train, sometimes more roughly than necessary. On the one hand I was asserting my right to be able to leave the train at my station. On the other hand, I was doing it in a rough way, sometimes physically pushing past people. When walking, I can get impatient with slow walkers and cut around people sharply. I have done this mostly when I’m actually in a hurry to get somewhere on time, but sometimes it’s pointless hurry. This could potentially startle them, and if I were being careless/unfocused I could theoretically miscalculate and bump into people. Not a good situation.
I could combat this type of aggression through a couple of methods. I could try to put myself into rushing situations less often by leaving earlier and thus being in less of a rush. It won’t typically change the amount of crowds traveling at the same time, but it would probably make me feel less stressed about it. I could also leave at the same time but attempt to be mindful the whole time. Both are useful approaches, and I will seek to apply one or the other as the situation allows.
Recklessness is when we take unnecessary risks, potentially due to shortsightedness or the desire to have a big impact. One of the ways we can be reckless is to rush into a situation without the proper training. In emergency response, it’s very important to know what you are and aren’t capable of doing, because untrained action can actually harm someone. It can be extremely dangerous to move someone who might have a spinal injury. Before I was trained, I nearly endangered someone in just this area because I was eager to help and didn’t know what I was doing. Whenever possible, taking a breath and a momentary reflection (or any other version of grounding & centering you prefer) helps take your actions from emotional/heat of the moment to a more cool and collected place.
Attachments are also an awkward one. The things & people we have in our lives can be incredibly beneficial, and we would not want to “overcome” our attachments to the extent of giving away these important things. However, it is important to understand what if any of these attachments are unhealthy or potential hindrances.
For example, I know I have gotten attached to technology, particularly my smartphone. It has become second nature to check a map online or send a message to friends, family, and colleagues during travel. It is my camera, my social connection, my reference. The times that I have been completely without my phone, I have felt lost and highly anxious. And I know that is not a healthy form of attachment. The small compromise I have struck is to take breaks from using it, turning on airplane mode whenever possible. I haven’t gone as far as to leave it behind on day trips, but that seems to be the next logical step for me to turn it from a crutch into just a tool.
Are there other attachments I probably haven’t even recognized yet? Sure. But I plan to be mindful of them as they arise and work through them as I go.
Jedi Shield 